If you say to anyone (probably for the past forty years) ‘Shall we go into Crewe’ then you will always see them screw their face up like a curled-up hedgehog. Such are the delights of the town these days that unless you get a thrill from cracked pavements, boarded-up shops and interacting with drug-addicts then you are wise to go elsewhere.

This cafe used to reside in a different part of Crewe before being forced to close by the local council as demolition was due to start in the town. Boots and other big brands were allowed to stay of course. The owners of this cafe therefore lost a year’s takings before being allowed to reopen on July 19th (2019).

The signage (as before) is very naff and needs to be replaced. There is an outside seating area with red windbreaks which for Crewe is positively continental. Inside on the counter is a tea box (Turkish brews and the like) and the counter itself is a talking point being moulded into a red Land Rover on which the headlights light up!

The menu is limited consisting of fry-ups and sarnies and the odd salad. Prices are reasonable (i.e. Crewe prices) and there was a good choice of coffee at least. My latte was OK but hotter than the core of the sun. No GF yet but maybe that will change but doubt it.

Early days yet but the walls were beige (like the clientele) with vinyl flooring. No artwork on the walls so far. The toilets were a bit grim though; I was welcomed by a fresh jobby in the bowl and could here the woman in the next door toilet urinating as I washed my hands. Luckily I was not charged anything to hear that…

The gaff was half-full by the time we left and it all felt a bit depressing. I was only half-cheered up by the sight outside of a large Caribbean lady’s skirt that kept lifting up and give the pensioners a near-fatal shock. Oh well.

So I won’t be too cruel to this cafe. Yep the service was a bit slow but the poor chap was doing it all on his own. At least the cafe won’t need to move again anytime soon as they won’t start the demolition until the year 2055.

Verdict: 2/5

Good: Cheap. Interesting counter.

Bad: Mediocre even for Crewe.