This little trendy place stands on the top end of the Barlow Moor Road. FFS stands for “Front For Something” and its name along with the minimalist façade gets it noticed.

The café is compact but found a small table by the wall and soon was whispering ‘FFS’ under my breath; there is no wifi so that was a good start.

I ordered from a fresh-faced Alex James look-a-like who seems to be a bit rushed. Maybe they were under-staffed but there was hardly room to swing a cat let alone employ some help. He was talkative to the punters and revealed he lives on same street as ‘Fizz’ from Corrie. Many of the customers were old American ex-military personnel for some reason so it felt a more like Omaha Beach then South Manchester.

The menu followed the compact theme so it didn’t take me long to choose beans on toast at a reasonable £1.50. Not quite as reasonable when I was served one round of toast with a few beans atop. Good job I wasn’t that hungry. And I had to ask for sugar with my latte. Zombie waiters are one of my pet hates and the guy that served me had certainly just risen from his grave.

The café is quite cool (Supergrass was playing in the background) with its Space Invaders on the window and all sorts of random stuff (from crap to bizarre) adorning the walls. The owner is a comedy fan (apparently his son is named after Spike Milligan) and this is reflected in the framed comedy posters on the walls. Elsewhere there are pictures of tigers, anti-May posters, arty stuff, a community board, a framed picture of Nigella Lawson, old cameras and knick-knacks in cabinets. There were notes from happy customers on the wall, one not signed, another from a nutter and one from a child. There was also a strange obsession with another Corrie star, this time Deidre Barlow. Many pictures appeared on the wall and she even visited and left a photo according to Alex James.

Was half-expecting the toilet to be outside but instead you have to get led through the kitchens to it – small, clean and comic book drawings on the door so at least makes going for a wazz a bit interesting.

The furniture is quite old on top of black and white tiles but the prime and campest spot is the window with a zebra bonket by the window. So if any Todd Grimshaws or Sean Tullys are passing they can reserve that spot.

Verdict 3/5

Good: More interesting than some places, cool.

Bad: Food portions, a bit pokey. No wifi, FFS!