Some cafes are predictably nautical. Before you get inside there are a few ornamental shells on a door frame or a starfish glued onto the window. There may be a woollen seagull dangling too but usually it’s the café’s name: Captain Bean, Foam and Beach Cafe for example. But not this one. ‘Mellow Yellow’ has a very jauney shop front. One thing it isn’t is ship-like inside.

Wooden boarding, distressed furniture and a few cushions with beach images dotted around the leather sofas. Not exactly original but quite appealing and supposed to give a relaxed vibe (hence the name of the shop). The menu and the Dire Straits playing at too low a volume (to hide your conversation from listeners) meant to cultivate a sense of ennui?

My first contact with the Gallic waitress was (to use her language) brusque. I asked her if we order at the counter. ‘I’ll be with you in a minute’. No tip there I thought.  She was more pleasant on her appearance at our table. Despite the other customers eating scones there was apparently not left for us though. Maybe les Anglais should partir immediatement. But no. We should a stiff upper lip and ordered some lime and aubergine lemon cake (quality) instead and an latte (meh) instead.

Later the English boss or owner was bollocking his staff and was audible by all as Mark Knofler tried to compete in vain. Not such a relaxing atmos then.

So ‘Mellow Yellow’ is not so mellow then. Maybe it should have been called ‘Yell’.

Verdict: 3/5

Good: Interesting (sort of)

Bad: The staff