In a town I’ve visited several times, this was a bit of an omission but there are mitigating circs: I always stay here in a hotel by the sea and this particular establishment is half-way up a long hill towards the bus station. That means a lot of exertion and going all Sherpa Tenzing so the time I’d have reached it, I’d just have felt like a cold shower and calling an ambulance.

Today, as if I’d guzzled a gallon of Lucozade Sport, I had the requisite energy to put a spurt on and head towards the summit (with only a couple of rest-stops on route and a slash at base camp). Ok I am exaggerating a little as usual but it is well over half-a-mile up the road with a slight incline. But I could have got a bus or Uber.

By the name of the café, I wasn’t expecting it to be a tapas place and I was right – it is more akin to Belfast than Andalucía. Northern Irish accents boomed from behind the counter like James Nesbitt and Frank Carson were having the craic whilst I could see hear an Eamonn Holmes character chuckling in the kitchen behind and he seemed to be alone (not a good idea!).

The only device under the car, sorry, I meant fly in the ointment is their lack of Wifi. Like Nantwich’s Austins, there is defiant stand against it with the usual ‘talk to each other instead’ signs up. Well that’s great but if you’ve got some work to do, want to book something or not get ripped off sending your photos home then it’s a bit of a bugger. I’d like to have the choice thank you very much but I think it’s really masking the fact that they are too tight to pay for it or want their punters to stay for longer than ten minutes.

The staff though were friendly and pleasant enough. Its wooden furniture isn’t actually sumptuous of course but you can sit without a broken back for an hour probably at a push. The walls are adorned with interesting posters to keep your eyes occupied while your teeth are on chomping duty. And after, when your body’s waste products are ready to depart, there is one small toilet and one larger disabled one (where a ticker-tape parade had just happened in there judging by the amount of paper on the floor).

Having breakfasted in a healthy (i.e. dull, sans fried bread) fashion, I just had a Flat White which was reasonably priced and serviceable. Had I gone down the tea route, I’d be able to slurp on Barry’s Tea (as finely displayed on its own shelf) which, for some, is the builder’s tea of choice.

A lady sat next to me (whom I’d wrongly assumed was Dutch) but actually was Swiss. I made some idle chit-chat on my way out and hid the Toblerone sticking out of my rucksack out of embarrassment. Thank God I’d decided not to buy the holey cheese, Alpen and cuckoo-clock too.

So will this place survive long term? Don’t worry guys, despite being from Northern Ireland, you’ll have no ‘Troubles’ keeping this place going… Sorry!

Verdict: 3.5/5

Good: Staff, location quite handy, quality, price

Bad: Wifi, furniture