I didn’t think I had been to Chirk before, wrongly thinking it was in Shropshire; but I did once hear that it’s a bit League of Gentlemen. So expecting a village filled with freaks, I wandered into the Teddy Bear’s Tearoom half-expecting to catch Tubbs and Edward decapitating Bungle off Rainbow.

Not such luck. The interior is suitably filled with bears of all shapes and sizes; shelves and dressers adorned with Pooh Bear and his pals from Harrods and Clintons. Wooden framed pictures with an ursine theme, pencil drawings of pooh hang alongside random naff Parisian and Vettriano prints (above a dado rail) providing the eyes with an unwelcome distraction. Chairs are wooden and cushion topped or embroidered. In fact the chintz and the chandeliers drooping from the ceiling to give the impression that the owner furnished the cafe from a yard sale at Liberace’s mansion. The lunacy extends to the window display. On the wall is a framed award ‘Best Dressed Christmas Window display in Chirk 2018’. What an honour. I hope they don’t let it go to their heads.

So it is all is a bit bonkers here bar the menu. There is no ‘Pooh Sandwich’ or any dishes named after Paddington that I can see. But you can get Afternoon Tea for £7.95 including a sausage roll 🙂 They don’t go gluten free bread but have GF wraps and the cakes look serviceable. They also do a Sunday roast even though they are only open Monday to Saturday. That’s Chirk!

To the sounds of Smooth Radio, I ordered a jacket potato with bacon (the menu could have read ‘bear back bacon’ for any gay customers) and beans which was average but the gammons bacon tasted like an oder-eater. A tattooed rubber-lipped waitress took my order though I struggled to keep my composure when ‘Get off my cloud’ spouted from the radio as she returned with my Earl Grey (without milk and without asking if I wanted any). Good excuse not to leave a tip at least.

The customer base seems to be OSVS (over sixties vieux sacs) and a few truanting grand-children. They were presumably looking to order Ovaltine or Sanatogen. A gaggle of them on a table nearest me seems to be rude, befuddled and argumentative. One of the wizened creatures reached onto my table and took a menu without a by or leave. Maybe the younger generation needs to teach them some manners!

This is one of those places where you expect there might not be wifi but there was and it worked OK surprisingly. The toilet was fine and no, they don’t shit in the woods (not to my knowledge).

As I paid and left, the codgers seemed to be staring in my direction. Either they were spaced out, fancied me or were wondering why I’m not in a Starbucks somewhere. I’m sure it’s the latte, sorry the latter. 🙂

Verdict:

2.5 / 5

Good:

Suitably mad.

Service/friendly.

Great if you have a vagina and have a free bus-pass.

Bad:

Chinzy but if you like that sort of thing…

Food could be better.